People are convinced i’m a dick.

They’re not wrong, but not all the time. Sometimes i’m just busy, and can’t talk on the phone. So i don’t pick it up when it rings. Then, it’s that i avoid people…yes i do. I’m just on my own schedule. I love every single person in my life. They wouldn’t be there if i didn’t. And i have ZERO problem getting rid of the ones who don’t fit anymore. But, you can’t always lend an ear.

I’m trying to sort through 40+ years of my own drama, pain, trouble, i’ve caused myself as it is. I am sorry that this whole thing is inconvenient to your own schedule…we can each budge a bit and still help each other, yes…but, on my terms. Sorry that’s the clincher. I will always care enough to help, no doubt. Ever!

But sometimes i can’t.

I learned a very valuable lesson really early in life. I might have been 12 or 13 i think. But it was Barry Manilow, talking about how it was sorta easy to manipulate him, in the past and he’d sway whether or not he wanted to. So essentially the best thing he learned was sometimes you can say, no. That helped me, in life.

…wish i’d known that when i was 9…..

Then later on when i had my head in the clouds, Nancy Reagan helped me, with 3 words. Just Say No. Brilliant!…however, we would have been much better off as a country if she had said those three famous words to Ron when he was dealing to the Contras…

Helping is timing. Timing is everything.
And, there is nothing wrong with, NOT being able to help at the time. Did that person come to you expecting a, yes? That is on them. Sounds harsh maybe, but it’s not. This just happened a couple days ago with a girl who lives where i live. She asked for help when i was right in the middle of editing some writing, crucial moment, she buzzes the door. I ignored it. It was after 8 pm, i was busy, she’ll go away. Nope…an even longer more distressed buzz the 2nd time, while my fucking skin is retreating through the pores in my bones…my chin instinctively buried itself in my left collar bone…and then, a knock at the door.

I went to it, opened it and said WHAT! She stood there………..
i said, YES? i’m busy, what is it?…….
oh, could you???? help me with my water bottle?….
silence……( daggers shooting from my eyes…) …………………………………………
i’m very busy at the moment, no i can’t help right now.
Oh, well could you do it later?
I DON’T KNOW>>>I”M BiiiiiZZZeeeeeee. Ok? Can’t it wait til tomorrow??
Well, i was hoping to get it up there tonight.
( ……………………?????????………………………) Well??? i can’t. Sorry. K?

she turns and walks up the stairs…10 minutes later is ‘ gardening ‘ with her friend right outside my fucking window. 830 pm.
So, clearly she expected a YES, before she even got there. Not my problem.
Do i feel bad? A tIIIIIny Liiiitle bit, yeah. But it is what it is. She chooses, to fill a 5 gallon big old jug, then get someone to lug it 3 flights up for her. No problem, but i said to her one time, why don’t you just get gallon jugs? Buy yourself 4 gallons of water, it’s like 5 bucks…just refill those then bring them up yourself?

Ahhh, wellll. i like using this one.
i looked away raised my eyes and said, Oh…

So, no is a good thing sometimes. Not all the time, but never be afraid to say it.

It can be quite liberating!

Just So You, kNOw 😉